tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-91495217852809186082024-02-07T12:52:33.476-06:00LIFE as I know itMy blog is to document my struggles with getting pregnant and the loss of infant twins (Braden and Brody) I hope this can be helpful to other parents who have been faced with infertility and/or child loss. I hope this is a place for us all to connect and support each other as we find our new purpose in life.Abbyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09345131430841556353noreply@blogger.comBlogger50125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9149521785280918608.post-24929404294588025742010-05-10T23:12:00.002-05:002010-05-10T23:27:17.890-05:00Mother's Day 2010Mother's Day... another sad, but happy day!<br /><br />I should have counted the number of times I heard "Happy Mother's Day" this weekend. You never think about it until it stings!!!<br /><br />In 2007, I became a mother when we "conceived" by IVF. We were excited to become parents and with twins - scared, but very happy!!! Our dreams were finally coming true. It was OUR turn for a change! April 2008, we got to see our boys for the first and last time. Mother's Day comes and goes. No "celebration" for mother's with children in Heaven... we should have our own holiday!!! But, my celebrating will be in Heaven with my boys!!! <br /><br />Sunday morning, Cary and Nic (nephew) woke me up to a very special "thinking of you" card! I couldn't help but cry when I saw it! It made me happy that these two special men in my life thought of me today! They picked out a "special" gift for me. What do you get a mom without children here with her? An iTunes gift card! Cary told me Nic picked the card out, he wanted to get one for 739 dollars, but settled on $25 instead. What a special nephew I have!!!<br /><br />All in all, Mother's Day was nice! A day of church, lunch and Norah Jones!!!<br /><br />I thank God everyday for my mom and mother-in-law. They both show so much love for my family and I couldn't ask for better mom's!!!Abbyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09345131430841556353noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9149521785280918608.post-84742259140360841902010-04-12T22:07:00.006-05:002010-04-12T22:27:04.336-05:00Happy 2nd Birthday Boys!APRIL 12, 2010<br /><br />Today is a day of celebration. Although we are sad and miss them very much, we celebrate the Boys 2nd Birthday today. It is hard to believe it has been 2 years since Braden and Brody were born. There have been good times and bad, but I can honestly say I would not change it for the world. My sons had a purpose in their lives (although it was only in my belly and not here on earth) and I truly believe God is working to change mine and Cary's life for the better. He has led us closer to him in the past few years which is a blessing! I always complained about having to get up early to go to church as we were growing up and complained about going to all the services. It was so boring!!! Cary and I have started going back within the past year and are now teaching Children's Church. I know it's scary! I enjoy Sunday mornings so much and don't mind getting up to go now! Sunday afternoon naps are always the best too!<br /><br />I find myself listening to a song by Jeremy Camp called "Healing Hand of God" The lyrics are powerful and so true. I have seen the healing hand of God throughout the past 2 years and he continues to heal us everyday! <br /><br /><br />I have seen the many faces,<br />I fear in the pain.<br />I have watched the tears fall plenty,<br />From heart ache and strength.<br />So if life's journey,<br />Has you weary and afraid.<br />There's rest in the shadow of his wings.<br />I have walked through the valleys,<br />The mountains and plains.<br />I have held the hand of freedom,<br />It washes all my stains.<br />If you feel the weight of many trials,<br />And burdens from this world.<br />There's freedom in the shelter of the Lord.<br /><br />Chorus:<br />I have seen,<br />The healing hand of God,<br />Reaching out and mending broken hearts.<br />Taste and see the fullness of His peace,<br />And hold on to what's being held out.<br />The healing hand of God.<br /><br />I have touched the scars upon His hands,<br />To see if they were real.<br />He has walked the road before me,<br />He knows just how I feel.<br />When you feel there is not anyone,<br />Who understands your pain,<br />Just remember all of Jesus' suffering.<br /><br />(Chorus)<br /><br />Cast all your cares on Him,<br />For He cares for you.<br />He's near to the broken and confused.<br />By His stripes,<br />Our spirit is renewed.<br />So enter in the joy prepared for you.<br /><br />Happy Birthday boys! Mom loves you very much and can't wait to see you again.Abbyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09345131430841556353noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9149521785280918608.post-86973069464221574792010-02-16T00:11:00.002-06:002010-02-16T00:13:48.274-06:00Thinking...I thought of you with love today<br />but that is nothing new<br /><br />I thought about you yesterday<br />and days before that too<br /><br />I think of you in silence<br />I often speak your name<br /><br />All I have are memories<br />and your picture in a frame<br /><br />Your memory is my keepsake<br />with which I’ll never part<br /><br />God has you in His keeping<br />I have you in my heart<br /><br />Missing our boys!!!Abbyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09345131430841556353noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9149521785280918608.post-62040931520375438652010-01-04T22:28:00.005-06:002010-01-04T22:59:35.182-06:00Christmas 2009<div><br /><br /><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivL1hrzW3fUGpKMytzpev3W0ppm6T7lNJFJKQq4mn21j7hHqURHe6tIL3gBLA92XtZKBW0LrEFi7S8-UTmcOAP8JUmDrw6WuL0LpZUtmQ4WkZ5tzgPiPNu3RbN717kaUq3tOJKX0fjbzU/s1600-h/Marker1.bmp"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5423115570471677410" style="FLOAT: right; MARGIN: 0px 0px 10px 10px; WIDTH: 97px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 130px" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivL1hrzW3fUGpKMytzpev3W0ppm6T7lNJFJKQq4mn21j7hHqURHe6tIL3gBLA92XtZKBW0LrEFi7S8-UTmcOAP8JUmDrw6WuL0LpZUtmQ4WkZ5tzgPiPNu3RbN717kaUq3tOJKX0fjbzU/s400/Marker1.bmp" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><br /><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4U9Rot7Mf9fAySNXidf0RU2QtsKZtxCFJ09f_k7DukAerFaySISwxGGIL4XSlfxL_qnoIN51qB-L1IzvSsOKbJnj2pT0EbooDqJFo2vuZyjTfRSG7_4RzIYUJm1oan7zEZF5tVOVTGEg/s1600-h/Marker1.bmp"></a><br /><br /><div>We made it though our second Christmas without Braden and Brody. (as if there was a choice not to?) This year, Cary thought it would be nice to get a wreath and decorate it for the boys. We found an awesome wreath that had red lights which flashed to Christmas tunes! Christmas music has never made me cry until <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgB0lyaRhtKtzZBYjvmtQHyjiJBZ2pnSL59664C0WlveJKN2IzNk8D-663VdSO56GcdmN5iMRVk3TfseauY0JG9OXKByd5pfn31KA_TaA_bUYchio7hnCyCv22NGMi296-K4B5zCyyyiQ4/s1600-h/Marker2.bmp"></a>now. As soon as it played, the tears began. I decided to stick with the colors I used last year because I just love the combination (baby blue, red and silver) Christmas Eve was windy, cold and rainy. We had to stick with out tradition and go spend some time at Braden and Brody's marker. We stayed a few minutes but it was too windy and rainy to put the wreath out. Thank goodness Honey and Tina had already decorated some or I <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmsSo1o5MeJYoNQOkt-EobpMs6wu4AVx1CCz8YxTcnENJ3qY9TV0w9YusJ8xemvqvnoJkFk69d2nbc1XKmQCEQefEpXyGjIufqpXyJzpxdxDKv3au03Gt2K1l6rUeO6pAdgyrWor2X58w/s1600-h/Marker2.bmp"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5423115571448906434" style="FLOAT: right; MARGIN: 0px 0px 10px 10px; WIDTH: 97px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 130px" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmsSo1o5MeJYoNQOkt-EobpMs6wu4AVx1CCz8YxTcnENJ3qY9TV0w9YusJ8xemvqvnoJkFk69d2nbc1XKmQCEQefEpXyGjIufqpXyJzpxdxDKv3au03Gt2K1l6rUeO6pAdgyrWor2X58w/s400/Marker2.bmp" border="0" /></a>would have felt guilty leaving without adding a little Christmas flair to the marker.<br /><br /><br /><br /><div><br /><br /><br /><br /><div><br /><div>I thought I was being tough and held it together for the most part. It still hurts so much knowing the boys should be here and we should be spending the holidays with all of our family including them! Christmas morning was especially hard. I enjoy spoiling all my nieces and nephews and getting them way more than they need. It makes me happy seeing them so excited about all of the presents. It it also like a stab in the heart. I see each of them and all I can think of is how much fun my boys would be having now. Surely as more time <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">slips</span> by it will get easier on us. I just wish I could click my heals and it all be over. I want to see them again and I know I will. </div><div></div><br /><div>Christmas afternoon we joined my family for lunch. </div><br /><div>Deck the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">harrs</span> with boughs of <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">horry</span>, fa <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">ra</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">ra</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">ra</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">ra</span>, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">ra</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">ra</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">ra</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_10">ra</span></div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYDnRAzIZKARK3T_X3RIoRtXYVz3_U-qxvBbhcqyjOhtZbHd3w-pZupqbssD02OG2sCfPASnfTRz0B0rV4RSC6QqXLG0p-RV6TTQ-nXsPQf_9n6e1QHpd6JDreXgO7u-6r0I9ZzsIDStU/s1600-h/Christmas.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5423115571489247938" style="FLOAT: right; MARGIN: 0px 0px 10px 10px; WIDTH: 130px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 97px" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYDnRAzIZKARK3T_X3RIoRtXYVz3_U-qxvBbhcqyjOhtZbHd3w-pZupqbssD02OG2sCfPASnfTRz0B0rV4RSC6QqXLG0p-RV6TTQ-nXsPQf_9n6e1QHpd6JDreXgO7u-6r0I9ZzsIDStU/s400/Christmas.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><div>You guessed it, Chinese food!!! Cary and I were pooped so we didn't join anyone for the traditional Christmas Day movie. </div><br /><br /><br /><br /><div></div><br /><br /><br /><div>All in all, it was a nice Christmas. I miss my boys, but I still have a wonderful family who loves us!!!</div></div></div></div></div></div></div>Abbyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09345131430841556353noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9149521785280918608.post-81566560461890932432009-12-13T23:08:00.003-06:002009-12-13T23:22:25.724-06:00WOW - Where have I been???I just realized I have not posted anything for a while... what's been going on?<br /><br />OCTOBER<br />October 3rd was mine & Cary's 11<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">th</span> Anniversary. We were both sick so we didn't do anything!!! It was nice sitting at home, cuddling on the couch with Cary and the wiener dogs (Suzi & Roxi). Halloween - not much fun this year. We had a few kids ring the bell, but nothing compared to the usual crowd. I was a bit <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">disappointed</span>. I really enjoy seeing the kids dressed up! <br /><br />NOVEMBER<br />Holidays are coming so my stress level JUMPS up. I always thought the holidays were supposed to be days of <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">relaxation</span>? Nope! Don't get me wrong, I love my family dearly, I just like to relax and be lazy!!! November also seems to <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">kick start</span> my emotions and remind me that Braden and Brody aren't here. I do not forget about them ever, but the holidays seem to intensify my <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">emotions</span>. I know that God has them in his arms! I am selfish and do want them in mine again. We will reunite again one day!!!<br /><br />DECEMBER<br />Shopping, shopping and more shopping. Am I done yet??? This stressed me too! I tend to go overboard and buy more than I should for my nephews and nieces. I'd hate to see what I'll do with my own children one day!!! Let the holiday parties begin! <br /><br />All in all, nothing has really been going on in my life worth writing about. These are just a few things that pop in my mind. I'm praying 2010 will be a great year and I'll have great things to post for the readers! <br /><br />HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO YOU ALL!!!Abbyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09345131430841556353noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9149521785280918608.post-37041141447260198712009-10-17T11:38:00.005-05:002009-10-17T11:56:32.772-05:00The number you've ALL be waiting for...<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEioLLaeudRG76lbbGZ_ubwp8WuyGOCqHZi4pEm6OCR64fjDptYMmQigZ_zimnih4Vgvlg3XwtsiGYkdm8WFIRgA_kiayVsLlyr2_B8lusKuDeSOQ8bc2MXET8gqZBwGp_tE32fZIM8Kz0o/s1600-h/AC+Presentation+Photo.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5393612942068361970" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 266px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 400px" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEioLLaeudRG76lbbGZ_ubwp8WuyGOCqHZi4pEm6OCR64fjDptYMmQigZ_zimnih4Vgvlg3XwtsiGYkdm8WFIRgA_kiayVsLlyr2_B8lusKuDeSOQ8bc2MXET8gqZBwGp_tE32fZIM8Kz0o/s400/AC+Presentation+Photo.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><div>People amaze me! Loni and I had a very successful first Baby Steps Memorial Race! We were able to donate a GRAND TOTAL of $9,000 to The Amelia Center. </div><div></div><div>That's me on the left, Andy <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">McNiel</span> (from The Amelia Center) and Loni Hodge. What a great team!</div><div></div><div>The center was VERY happy to receive such a large donation. We could not have done it of course without all of the participants, volunteers, sponsors and donors! You guys know who you are!!! We want to thank everyone for their hard work and kind heart! </div><br /><div></div><br /><div>Loni and I decided to donate the funds into a Remembrance Funds for Braden, Brody and Maddox Elise. This is something new for The Amelia Center. </div><br /><div></div><br /><div>Here's what their website says about the new opportunity - "A Remembrance Fund, bearing the name of a family member or friend, can be established to provide annual support to The Amelia Center by making a memorial gift of $500.00 or more. This can be made as an individual memorial donation or a combined memorial donation by you, family members and friends. Once a Remembrance Fund is established, friends and family can make contributions throughout the year to support the fund. The Amelia Center will send annual updates to those supporting the fund regarding opportunities to contribute. At the end of each year, a portion of the Remembrance Fund will be used to support Amelia Center program costs, the remainder of the fund will be sustained to build upon for the next year. Remembrance Funds will be acknowledged in the Tears to Hope newsletter and by letter to family members and friends at your request. In addition, each fund will be recognized on the “We Remember Them…” wall in The Amelia Center lobby."</div><br /><div></div><br /><div>We chose to set up the <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">Remembrance</span> Funds so that The Amelia Center can use all or part of the race donation before the end of the year. This type of donation allows them to carry over part of the funds into the next year if they wish. I'm very honored that Braden and Brody will have a plaque on the "We Remember Them" wall. I decided it would be best to have Braden & Brody one plaque rather than two. They came into this world together! They drifted from this world together! They belong together!</div>Abbyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09345131430841556353noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9149521785280918608.post-42257424369886922592009-10-07T08:57:00.010-05:002009-10-07T09:28:45.990-05:00Baby Steps 5K Memorial - August 29, 2009<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7xQFV8nImfLKUU_dxpQOXsaiS4W5PrvYNzdc8zG1Mx5sPsbGXvd3lpl_nX8C0XLghpYfKfVfFcRNENZu9ZDfx6DnTHTOMw8Q5-bO-fx4iIBy2Lwc5t8Da6FeeT10QF0QDc9WpaGswcJ8/s1600-h/Shirt+back.jpg"></a>What an awesome day we had on August 29th. It was filled with many emotions. Although the loss of Braden and Brody is not easy, I see purpose each and everyday. If God took my children to benefit others, I'll take this pain. It is his plan, not mine and I have to follow it.<br /><div><div></div><div>What an awesome day we had on August 29, 2009! My day was filled with emotions. I was very pleased with all of the sponsors, participants and volunteers. The support we received was amazing. I was honored that the loss of my boys and Maddox Elise made all of this happen! There is a purpose... to help all of the grieving families out there, to show them they are not alone on this journey, that they can heal and that we can remember them in our own special ways!</div><div><br /></div><p align="justify"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5389864374347226962" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 150px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 200px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiaIwuqPF3uRYUdU_LFhkErVPhYjuSZlfB56T0Rg9aNj7wBowU0n3aK0HDi3s7dM0rxnmnOg2DjDI_ii7t-zLWlakvUPG7fPbrpckNd8Pz6K2zKEDmsC3JISxyY0kOpK9GrHb3IAGdcsH8/s200/Shirt+front.jpg" border="0" /><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5389864380099183122" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 200px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 150px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiY3O3lBXzEd_fJSTnvNYrrRVXP2tnYCF22s5eP72qygAdnzpESyNRcPSb3k4wqIWTBEO7-1-EaSYISMS5xIgUmwaDQkALfzKt3mG0fbzWDzboZLs4hsQtw0ikf0PzNgsvhHcZu8V-dVJQ/s200/Shirt+back.jpg" border="0" /><br /></p><div>Our hope is to continue the race year after year. With the continued support we can make this happen!!!</div><div><br />Loni and I had the pleasure of being on "Matters of Faith" with Brenda Ladun. She is such an encouraging woman and was inspired by our stories. The picture shown is from the interview day at The Amelia Center. You can also view the segment by going to: <a href="http://www.abc3340.com/news/stories/0809/652098.html">http://www.abc3340.com/news/stories/0809/652098.html</a>#<img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5389864066129366370" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 274px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 320px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4jki9P-1a5xx06COhptYop-D7wTUCdUCZrVCe-J0adHGxCFHXG9MIcwN5r2KwEmHEC5hi9PN9ke7xYUnzfqaDzrkidUgWMXyZARW8B8aSCmMvLGM19qDd1cMERBGJvfaqpVq8-3ZC1AA/s320/Brenda+Ladun.jpg" border="0" /></div><div> </div></div>Abbyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09345131430841556353noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9149521785280918608.post-85636689813948346362009-09-21T20:49:00.005-05:002009-09-21T21:00:18.057-05:00The words of Marvin Gaye "What's going on?"I have to admit, as much as I'd love to document my journey, I am HORRIBLE at taking the time to write "What's going on" so here's where I am in this life for today...<br /><br />The FIRST Baby Steps 5K Memorial Race was so awesome (I'll post more on it later!) I want to keep you curious on how much we raised for The Amelia Center...<br /><br />I am doing pretty well in my grief. I continue to have good days and bad days. More good than bad so I've made it a long way since April 12, 2008!!! Certain things in life are harder to deal with while others, I just don't think about as much. I've learned to control my emotions by helping and keeping busy. As a grieving mother, I encourage others in my "shoes" to reach out to others. Talking to others and even volunteering for various things is what I've found helpful. It may work for youl, it may not. What we have to do is share our attempts for a happy life and encourage each other!Abbyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09345131430841556353noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9149521785280918608.post-65339025738460477752009-07-19T22:46:00.001-05:002009-07-19T22:52:14.665-05:00Get over it???I've had some very rough days lately. I should not have to explain myself, but people need to realize that grief does not have a time frame, nor does it ever really end. It is important not to have expectations that parents will be "finished" or "get over" this type of loss.<br /><br />I say this because <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">recently</span> I've been told that I need to be the "old Abby" and I cannot understand how people who have NOT been in my situation feel as if they can tell me how I should be. The loss of Braden and Brody was not like a scratch that heals in a few days. It is like a deep wound that will forever scar my life.<br /><br />As much as it may make others uncomfortable that I lost the boys - I do not think they realize that I am uncomfortable as well. I don't think you can EVER be comfortable with "visiting" your children in the <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">cemetery</span>.Abbyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09345131430841556353noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9149521785280918608.post-82735854689946192622009-07-05T15:54:00.003-05:002009-07-05T16:00:14.660-05:00July 4th - Another Holiday Down!We survived yet another holiday with family fun. It's upsetting to both Cary and I to see all the kids having such a great time swimming and playing together. Here we are the "sad" couple without kids! We just sit and dream! We want our babies there to share the fun. We wanted them to play with their <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">grandparents</span>, aunts, uncles, nieces and nephews! My peace is knowing they are playing in Heaven and it's a BEAUTIFUL place. They don't have to get a sun burn, bitten by <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">mosquitoes</span> or stop playing if they don't want to! Have fun in heaven boys!Abbyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09345131430841556353noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9149521785280918608.post-18667510470528034362009-06-21T20:59:00.003-05:002009-06-21T21:07:24.479-05:00Father's Day#2Today is Father's Day #2 without Braden & Brody. Cary is such a trooper! He had a father and sons breakfast with his dad this morning and a family lunch with my dad and grandfather. I could tell he was a little down, but he never mentioned it.<br /><br />I hope that one day we'll have days like this to celebrate with children. I want hand made cards and special gifts from children. They make you smile! We will always remember our heavenly children!!! It would just be nice to experience a life of parenting!<br /><br />Happy Father's Day to all of the wonder fathers out there. Whether you have children on this earth or in Heaven!!!<br /><br />Love to Cary, Dad & Dale (father in law)Abbyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09345131430841556353noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9149521785280918608.post-42992814543838713582009-06-15T23:57:00.012-05:002009-06-16T00:08:04.656-05:00SAND!!!<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEicfMWEW26ooFdp6nsePhzZ_dzS5eNpWUWONbPL5sk8Wu80Ja0ToU2nNhe9FbvS8YFsGYbsgqmHTSMxNLLT7WhUytDpy5EIK2JI9wqMW7NNUl86UMvZd510lZaUtso3zcj-XxK3r9onn4g/s1600-h/4715_521706040340_58902473_30983228_6385893_s.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5347787429316471314" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 223px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 156px" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEicfMWEW26ooFdp6nsePhzZ_dzS5eNpWUWONbPL5sk8Wu80Ja0ToU2nNhe9FbvS8YFsGYbsgqmHTSMxNLLT7WhUytDpy5EIK2JI9wqMW7NNUl86UMvZd510lZaUtso3zcj-XxK3r9onn4g/s400/4715_521706040340_58902473_30983228_6385893_s.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><div><br /><br /><p align="left"></p><p align="left"></p><p align="left"></p><p align="left">Seeing names written in sand is always cute to me. Loni and Justin just spent a few days at the beach and Loni send <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiEl0p_7wpO4yKe9SUGJwVOL-HJmNo0opGpV0gWGoPupb-p4qe1x9fjScWHT41yZvgqUopmC1uhTpTsefvTkxc3DNC-KNBNenDZVZriKq1kOyojmqvw-fmfJTxizfXWyxTTMSikM08R5Fs/s1600-h/4715_521706015390_58902473_30983223_4092096_n.jpg"></a>me these pictures. What a special way to memember our babies!!! They will forever be in our hearts!<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqnhhOnngZMNh_cnqGxxaAw9C7tqpx9R8xrGOKh54WsqoShuNPOMSn_OB8hdoBS6IGe-fbXDyPTT018BxtYPnKgXxxZAHhSJNohBLAd9jRFRYyiffM9Ygj7dvdC89vmndSTtodLqEDvXE/s1600-h/4715_521706015390_58902473_30983223_4092096_n.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5347786595856265970" style="FLOAT: right; MARGIN: 0px 0px 10px 10px; WIDTH: 206px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 161px" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqnhhOnngZMNh_cnqGxxaAw9C7tqpx9R8xrGOKh54WsqoShuNPOMSn_OB8hdoBS6IGe-fbXDyPTT018BxtYPnKgXxxZAHhSJNohBLAd9jRFRYyiffM9Ygj7dvdC89vmndSTtodLqEDvXE/s320/4715_521706015390_58902473_30983223_4092096_n.jpg" border="0" /></a> Thanks for thinking of all of us Loni!!!!</p></div>Abbyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09345131430841556353noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9149521785280918608.post-72071576079339933252009-06-07T01:07:00.005-05:002009-06-07T01:25:26.993-05:00Missing PiecesI live day to day. Each morning, I do not know if it will be one of "those" days or not. My life is all about ups and downs and I've come to terms with the fact that this will never change. The hurt will always be there. It will NEVER leave me. I've <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">recently</span> started going to the Amelia Center in Birmingham. It is a grief counseling center for parents and grandparents who have lost a child and also for children who have lost a loved one. The few times I've been, I've enjoyed it. Not that grief is something that you should enjoy. The fact is, at the center I do not have to hide my tears, be strong , fake a smile or worry about making other people feel uncomfortable that my children died. I can be weak, pissed, sad, cry and acknowledge my boys! You can be who you are!<br /><br />I am bitter. People really piss me off sometimes. I've had a comment lingering in my brain that makes me want to punch something... Can you believe a pregnant woman had the NERVE to tell me that she wasn't avoiding me. She was just staying away from me because she know's I'm jealous because she's pregnant. I cannot say that I am not jealous. It amazes me how some people kiss and get pregnant. It amazes me that people do not have the heart to not say what they are really thinking. I use caution when I speak and I feel others should as well. These comments are PAINFUL and my life is PAINFUL enough without them. I apologize that my children died and yours did not. That should be my comment but I do not feel like anyone deserves this PAIN. Are people jealous of me because my boys died? Maybe I should avoid people?<br /><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">Recently</span> I keep finding myself having little moments of tears. They appear out of nowhere. I do not know what causes them. Well, I know why I'm crying, but have no idea what triggers the tears. It could be a song, a road, a smell... It's crazy, I'm crazy. I feel like a puzzle that is missing pieces. I'm missing Braden and Brody!!!Abbyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09345131430841556353noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9149521785280918608.post-77489172611717995312009-05-29T22:08:00.002-05:002009-05-29T22:15:32.394-05:00Business Sponsors Needed!!!!Local Business Owners:<br />Please join us and your fellow local business owners in supporting the Baby Steps Memorial 5K Run/Walk at Tannehill Historical State Park benefiting the Amelia Center on August 29, 2009. All proceeds raised will be donated to the Amelia Center in Birmingham which has served as a place of hope for grieving children, parents and families for the past twelve years. The Amelia Center offers free grief counseling not only to parents and grandparents who have suffered the loss of a child but also to children who have lost loved ones. The center operates by donations and continued support from our community members and it is programs like this that are vital to many people here locally and in our neighboring communities. For more information on the Amelia Center visit <a href="http://www.ameliacenter.org/">http://www.ameliacenter.org/</a>.<br /><br />We have chosen to support this program as mothers who recently suffered the loss of our children this past year. Abby and Cary Nicholas lost twin boys, Braden and Brody at 22 weeks due to unexplained preterm labor in April 2008. Loni and Justin Hodge lost their daughter, Maddox Elise at 28 weeks due to Triploidy in February 2009. As two grieving mothers, our mission is to provide support to bereavement programs, NICUs and infant/child causes throughout our community. We organize, host and provide fundraising in the community to accomplish our mission to support these important causes.<br /><br />The 1st Annual Baby Steps Memorial 5K Run/Walk needs sponsorship from local businesses both large and small. We are reaching out asking how each of you can help us to give these families the support they need to cope with their struggles. All business sponsors will be included on advertisement materials as well as race participant shirts.<br /><br />There are many areas needing sponsorship but some of the biggest needs are:<br />• Monetary donations for T-shirts, race result equipment (Trak Shak), water/snacks for participants, park fees<br />• Door Prize items for participants such as any service or items from your business would be great!<br />• Coupons and promotional items for participant goodie bags<br />• Race Participant Company Teams are welcome!!!<br /><br />We would like to thank you in advance for your consideration and support to make the race a success! Please contact us with any questions or to find out more on how to make a donation or become involved.<br /><br /><br /><a href="mailto:babysteps5k@yahoo.com">babysteps5k@yahoo.com</a><br /><br />Donations can be made payable to Baby Steps and mailed to:<br /><br />Baby Steps<br />PO Box 674<br />Moody, AL 35004<br /><br /><br />Sincerely,<br />Abby Nicholas & Loni HodgeAbbyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09345131430841556353noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9149521785280918608.post-2960409435568658222009-05-14T23:44:00.004-05:002009-05-14T23:54:11.858-05:00DonationsFor those of you interested <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">Bunco</span> for Babies has been a HUGE success.<br /><br />April - We had our first <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">Bunco</span> night. It was so much fun and I enjoyed meeting all the new people! We collected disposable cameras as our "item of the month" which Loni and I took to Trinity Hospital's <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">NICU</span>. They gladly accepted our donations.<br /><br />May - Our second night was wonderful. Although we had a lot of people who weren't able to make it, we had several new players. Our "item of the month" was small blankets. Loni and I made a trip to <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">STV</span> East Wednesday and donated the blankets, bouncy seat, socks, hand mitts, <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">breastfeeding</span> drape and a womb sound bear. The women in this <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">NICU</span> were VERY excited to receive the donations. They made us feel extremely welcome. Their charge nurse Melanie even shared with us that she too has lost infants. It's amazing how many people have lost infants but are not vocal about it. There are so many of us out there and we have to support each other.<br /><br />I am so thankful that <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">Bunco</span> for Babies has been such a success. Each month brings a bigger smile to my face and I'm happy to share the memory of Braden and Brody with these special women!!!Abbyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09345131430841556353noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9149521785280918608.post-47213351349195586542009-05-10T21:08:00.002-05:002009-05-10T21:16:48.148-05:00Happy Mother's Day - Tina<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhR0mP5XqAMUEwz8AMBlqhHVj4tJ9sBF5KSYBrns8zEqL8Mtsbsq_sJaJueThi8aoR5hA2L0OsA-NUxHMiTtVGtQtQ69ppU0mfRaQYUpHNZhfyZN9k_aFjMg0gEkbuVpZ2sGZz19uTbkGA/s1600-h/DSCN3231.JPG"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5334384493924842066" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 320px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 240px" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhR0mP5XqAMUEwz8AMBlqhHVj4tJ9sBF5KSYBrns8zEqL8Mtsbsq_sJaJueThi8aoR5hA2L0OsA-NUxHMiTtVGtQtQ69ppU0mfRaQYUpHNZhfyZN9k_aFjMg0gEkbuVpZ2sGZz19uTbkGA/s320/DSCN3231.JPG" border="0" /></a><br /><div>This is MY mother-in-law. </div><br /><br /><div></div><br /><br /><div>Cary's mom is a special woman. She does so much for other people and neglects her own needs! I hope she takes this day and makes it her own!!!</div><br /><br /><div></div><br /><br /><div>Thanks for everything you do for Cary, me and everyone else! We love you!!!</div>Abbyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09345131430841556353noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9149521785280918608.post-36234260053783154722009-05-10T20:59:00.003-05:002009-05-10T21:07:59.025-05:00Mother's Day - Honey<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJSx9r5Ird7CGCZ3NrrPzjNTM75ZEMgdgUzVupGPdKBvELAdBxgcD_Lc_iSyiUe6qqwftMHHDnLhKtAKXo_RoOCEsEBGVZ-piyazszlepJGecxZoqpBi7RwLrn5lshNiaBralQ45WLYas/s1600-h/DSCN1846.JPG"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5334382096643600146" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 320px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 240px" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJSx9r5Ird7CGCZ3NrrPzjNTM75ZEMgdgUzVupGPdKBvELAdBxgcD_Lc_iSyiUe6qqwftMHHDnLhKtAKXo_RoOCEsEBGVZ-piyazszlepJGecxZoqpBi7RwLrn5lshNiaBralQ45WLYas/s320/DSCN1846.JPG" border="0" /></a><br /><div> </div><div> </div><div> </div><div> </div><div> </div><div> </div><div> </div><div> </div><div> </div><div> </div><div> </div><div> </div><div> </div><div>This is MY mom! </div><br /><div></div><br /><div>She makes me laugh, cry and act like a fool. What can I say, she brings out the best in me!!! </div><br /><div></div><br /><div>I love you and am glad you are here for me to spend this special day with!!!</div><br /><div></div><br /><div>Thanks Big Mama Honey for being there and being the best!!!</div><br /><div></div><br /><div>P.S. the necklace in the picture is so pretty - I'm sure it cost a lot!</div>Abbyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09345131430841556353noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9149521785280918608.post-20430621527709875562009-04-17T19:17:00.002-05:002009-04-17T19:19:53.065-05:00I'm so excited!!!I absolutely can't wait for Mother's Day. I know I should be down and sad since I'm a mother and don't have children here on earth. I am so excited about a special gift I have for Braden & Brody's "Honey" and "Nana" Oh, it will be so special. PLEASE don't forget to check back soon for a picture of their special gift. Honey is dying to know, but I'm being good... <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">MUM's</span> the word...Abbyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09345131430841556353noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9149521785280918608.post-4390614251289895102009-04-15T21:38:00.003-05:002009-05-29T22:08:18.999-05:00Silent Footprints<strong>Silent Footprints</strong><br /><br />We never had the chance to play,<br /><br />to laugh, to rock, to wiggle.<br /><br />We long to hold you,<br /><br />touch you now And listen to you giggle.<br /><br />I'll always be your mother.<br /><br />He'll always be your dad.<br /><br />You will always be our child,<br /><br />The child we never had.<br /><br />But now you're gone... but yet you're here.<br /><br />We'll sense you everywhere.<br /><br />You are our sorrow and our joy.<br /><br />There's love in every tear.<br /><br />Just know our love goes deep and strong<br /><br />We'll forget you never.<br /><br />The child we had, but never had, And yet will have forever.<br />(c) Christie Michael All Rights Reserved<br /><br />I love you boys!!!!Abbyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09345131430841556353noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9149521785280918608.post-70425327952939225712009-04-12T22:09:00.009-05:002009-04-12T22:44:29.304-05:00I will never forget...Today is the day. April 12, 2009. The day I've worried about since Braden & Brody's arrival. It has been one year today since their birth. This year has gone by so fast. We've struggled. We've laughed. We've cried. We've been pissed. You name the emotion, I've had it all year!<br /><br /><strong>I HAVEN'T FORGOTTEN...</strong><br /><br />how mad I was at myself for working all day in pain and being stubborn and not calling the doctor...<br /><br />how guilty I felt for not going to the doctor when Cary told me to...<br /><br />that awful feeling when I realized, I was having my babies and there wasn't anything I could do to stop it...<br /><br />that long car ride to St. Vincent's. The rain, the phone call telling the doctor I thing I'm in labor they gush, my water just broke...<br /><br />the <em>angel</em> in the lobby of the hospital that directed Cary where to go to get a labor and delivery nurse. Why a little only lady was sitting in a chair in the lobby by herself at St. Vincent's at midnight on a Friday Night still shocks me. Why she was gone when Cary came back down with a nurse shocks me. An <em>ANGEL</em> indeed!<br /><br />the fear I had and the fear on Cary's face when the nurse told be "you're having your babies" knowing it was too early and they wouldn't make it...<br /><br />the <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">uncontrollable</span> feeling of delivering Braden as we pulled into the hospital...<br /><br />showing all my "goods" to the parking lot at the hospital while I delivered Brody right there before I could even get out of my car...<br /><br />the elevator ride up to the hospital. Shaking and trembling from shock...<br /><br />the boys waiting until after "Honey's" birthday to make their grand arrival...<br /><br />the wonderful night nurse who was so kind and caring...<br /><br />seeing both boys brought in to us, cleaned up and beautiful...<br /><br />Braden's sweet toes that are identical to his dad's toes! The big one that isn't the big one...<br /><br />Brody's sweet little body, his tiny hands, tiny feet, tiny nose...<br /><br />20 fingers... 20 toes...<br /><br />holding them for the first time...<br /><br />the awful morning nurse who left us out in the hallway with all the "happy" bows on the doors for all the baby boys and girls while the were bring the boys to the bereavment room...<br /><br />holding Braden & Brody for the last time...<br /><br />Today is a celebration. A celebration of the memory of Braden and Brody Nicholas! Although, I don't have the opportunity to celebrate 1st Birthdays like most parents, I feel this is a special day. It's the day, one year ago that we met our angels!!!<br />Even if we never have more children, we're parent's and will always love Braden and Brody.<br /><br />Happy Heavenly Birthday Boys! Celebrate with Jesus, Maddie, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">Grandmaw</span>, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">Mema</span> & Paw Paw. Keep watching over me and your daddy! Keep us strong! I love you!Abbyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09345131430841556353noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9149521785280918608.post-83690769209535406432009-04-07T23:56:00.009-05:002009-04-08T00:11:25.449-05:00A bad week that isn't so bad!!!<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgL-ufDIXcVDLdNVz1FqnTnn2lCjBZoDpf_PXQ50It7R0PDSCW7tcJ1CiciHMs9iW1Hs8s_t7KpUNOUiYktgyxwAJVD6XmVM3ZosyNXmBjIR7yHaRfoJDarIbJ0tVtJqaiigDqzRdnhHNM/s1600-h/049.JPG"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5322182049112405682" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 400px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 300px" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgL-ufDIXcVDLdNVz1FqnTnn2lCjBZoDpf_PXQ50It7R0PDSCW7tcJ1CiciHMs9iW1Hs8s_t7KpUNOUiYktgyxwAJVD6XmVM3ZosyNXmBjIR7yHaRfoJDarIbJ0tVtJqaiigDqzRdnhHNM/s400/049.JPG" border="0" /></a><br /><div>As Braden and Brody's birthday creeps up on us, I expect this to be a bad week. Easter is their Birthday!<br /><br />Although the week isn't over, tonight I was HAPPY!!! Loni and I started a Bunco for Babies group and we had our first game tonight. We had 16 people and raised $160 and had 26 disposable cameras donated. It was a success and I really enjoyed myself! All that worrying for nothing! Everyone seemed to have a blast and I thank God for allowing us to do this in memory of our children.<br /><br />What a Happy Birthday to my baby boys!<br /><br />Here's our 1st Bunco group. Thank you ALL for making this such a great success!!!</div>Abbyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09345131430841556353noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9149521785280918608.post-16962704805376945352009-03-15T02:38:00.002-05:002009-03-15T02:41:09.587-05:00Anyone can help!As most of you know, in April 2008 Cary and I lost our Twin Boys (Braden and Brody) at 22 weeks due to preterm labor. Recently I have become close friends with Loni Hodge. February 2009, Loni and Justin lost their baby girl (Maddie.) You can see Loni's blog at <a href="http://maddoxelisehodge.blogspot.com/">http://maddoxelisehodge.blogspot.com/</a> We are able to help each other with our struggles of our loss. <br /><br />We both want to give back, to hospitals that treat babies, but also to the hospitals that delivered our sweet babies. So we've been contemplating ideas to raise money and we've found a couple of good ones...<br /><br />Our first idea is to organize a 5k or 8k race to benefit Children's hospital NICU - that's is being planned and we will send out more info on that as it becomes available!! Just be ready for it in the fall (2009)...it should be a great day!!! We will need lots of support so we can make this an annual event in memory of our children. Any BIG sponsors out there???<br /><br />We're also trying to get a Bunco group together. We’re going to call it “Bunco for Babies.” If you’ve never played, it’s a lot of fun (I promise.) Bunco is a dice game that you play tables of 4. We need at least 12 people for the game, but can always play with more. So, think about it. It’s an easy, fun game and you can come and enjoy food and time with friends and meet new friends as well! The main thing is you will be helping us “heal” and do something for these hospitals that are in need.<br /><br />The idea for now is, to play – you will bring $10 which ½ will go towards the hospitals and the other ½ will go in a pot for the “winners.” You will also bring a cheap item that Loni and I will take to the NICU at Children’s for the tiny babies which need things that aren’t always provided. The items may include small blankets, socks, diapers and disposable cameras for the parents who may not have thought to bring theirs from home. The cameras are a great idea because some parents (like us) will only be able to take home photos of their children. It’s important to us to give what we can. (Think of it as a tax deduction for next year!)<br /><br />We were hoping to get at LEAST 12 people to commit to playing with us maybe once a month. The more players the more we will be able to give to the hospitals and families in need so please feel free to pass the invite to ANYONE in the area. We also thought about having a BIG BUNCO BLOWOUT and play with other groups around the area! (If you're already involved with a bunco group think about your group joining us for the big nights if you can!!!)<br /><br />Let me know if you'd be interested so that way I can get you more information as we plan more. (you may see information emails come from <a href="mailto:bunco4babies@yahoo.com">bunco4babies@yahoo.com</a> - that's me and Loni)<br /><br />Thanks for being there for us! Hope to hear from you soon! AbbyAbbyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09345131430841556353noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9149521785280918608.post-85423496013328393252009-02-18T20:51:00.003-06:002009-02-19T10:37:07.348-06:00TodayTime goes by so quickly but yet, seems to be slow. I'm still in a struggle with Braden and Brody's birth. I'm great one day and sad the next. Work has had me busy so I haven't had much time to think.<br /><br />Today, I feel their birthday getting closer and wonder how I will handle it. I just realized April 12<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">th</span> is Easter this year. This will be a very difficult day for me and my family. I am still trying to come up with something special to do in remembrance of the twins on their birthday. I'd thought about having a picnic at their grave, releasing balloons with messages to them in it, there are different things to do. I want it to be special and make it a tradition.<br /><br />Hopefully I'll come up with something good that will not make the day as difficult.Abbyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09345131430841556353noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9149521785280918608.post-15139603899434134002009-01-31T20:07:00.003-06:002009-01-31T20:29:36.965-06:00It's been a while...It's seems a lot has gone on since my last post. I'm not a faithful blogger...<br /><br />1) Christmas<br />2) New Years 2009<br />3) 3 OH!<br /><br />CHRISTMAS EVE - Cary and I decided to go to Braden and Brody's grave and put up a small <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">Christmas</span> tree. While we were there, we decorated the tree with battery operated lights, garland and ornaments. It was nice for the two of us to have this time together. We feel so helpless and it's the least we can do to honor our children. We are <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">going</span> to plant the tree in our <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">yard</span> as a memorial to the boys. This will be our tradition every Christmas Eve. I'll try to post a picture of our little tree later.<br /><br />CHRISTMAS - It wasn't horrible, but it wasn't great either. Let me just say it was hard this year, but once again I put on my fake smile for everyone. I love watching all of the kids open presents - it makes me happy. At the same time my heart aches because my children aren't here! We found out Christmas Day that Brad & Christine (brother in law & his wife) are expecting their second child. Not something I was prepared for so I didn't react as well as I should have. I don't think I had any emotions at all. It was a shocker, but I'm happy for them. They are really great parents!!!<br /><br />NEW YEARS EVE 2009- Cary and I aren't party animals. We were in bed by 9 I think? REAL EXCITEMENT I know!<br /><br />JANUARY 5TH 2009 - I hit a milestone and turned 30. This is not a number I thought I'd be at yet. While I'm glad I had another birthday I also feel I'm much older than last year. Let's just hope I don't start getting gray hair anytime soon.<br /><br />Time seems to be ticking away...Abbyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09345131430841556353noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9149521785280918608.post-77500041090265563802008-12-17T23:00:00.004-06:002008-12-17T23:03:59.012-06:00You look great!!!Why do people feel the need to tell you that you look great. Does this mean you've looked like hell for so long? They didn't expect you to look "normal?"<br /><br />PLEASE!!! Take my advise and don't be that person! People who have been <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">thru</span> something horrific live it everyday and do what they can to "look great" for others. Remember that the inside, it's not so great for us!Abbyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09345131430841556353noreply@blogger.com1