Mother's Day 2010

Mother's Day... another sad, but happy day!

I should have counted the number of times I heard "Happy Mother's Day" this weekend. You never think about it until it stings!!!

In 2007, I became a mother when we "conceived" by IVF. We were excited to become parents and with twins - scared, but very happy!!! Our dreams were finally coming true. It was OUR turn for a change! April 2008, we got to see our boys for the first and last time. Mother's Day comes and goes. No "celebration" for mother's with children in Heaven... we should have our own holiday!!! But, my celebrating will be in Heaven with my boys!!!

Sunday morning, Cary and Nic (nephew) woke me up to a very special "thinking of you" card! I couldn't help but cry when I saw it! It made me happy that these two special men in my life thought of me today! They picked out a "special" gift for me. What do you get a mom without children here with her? An iTunes gift card! Cary told me Nic picked the card out, he wanted to get one for 739 dollars, but settled on $25 instead. What a special nephew I have!!!

All in all, Mother's Day was nice! A day of church, lunch and Norah Jones!!!

I thank God everyday for my mom and mother-in-law. They both show so much love for my family and I couldn't ask for better mom's!!!

Happy 2nd Birthday Boys!

APRIL 12, 2010

Today is a day of celebration. Although we are sad and miss them very much, we celebrate the Boys 2nd Birthday today. It is hard to believe it has been 2 years since Braden and Brody were born. There have been good times and bad, but I can honestly say I would not change it for the world. My sons had a purpose in their lives (although it was only in my belly and not here on earth) and I truly believe God is working to change mine and Cary's life for the better. He has led us closer to him in the past few years which is a blessing! I always complained about having to get up early to go to church as we were growing up and complained about going to all the services. It was so boring!!! Cary and I have started going back within the past year and are now teaching Children's Church. I know it's scary! I enjoy Sunday mornings so much and don't mind getting up to go now! Sunday afternoon naps are always the best too!

I find myself listening to a song by Jeremy Camp called "Healing Hand of God" The lyrics are powerful and so true. I have seen the healing hand of God throughout the past 2 years and he continues to heal us everyday!


I have seen the many faces,
I fear in the pain.
I have watched the tears fall plenty,
From heart ache and strength.
So if life's journey,
Has you weary and afraid.
There's rest in the shadow of his wings.
I have walked through the valleys,
The mountains and plains.
I have held the hand of freedom,
It washes all my stains.
If you feel the weight of many trials,
And burdens from this world.
There's freedom in the shelter of the Lord.

Chorus:
I have seen,
The healing hand of God,
Reaching out and mending broken hearts.
Taste and see the fullness of His peace,
And hold on to what's being held out.
The healing hand of God.

I have touched the scars upon His hands,
To see if they were real.
He has walked the road before me,
He knows just how I feel.
When you feel there is not anyone,
Who understands your pain,
Just remember all of Jesus' suffering.

(Chorus)

Cast all your cares on Him,
For He cares for you.
He's near to the broken and confused.
By His stripes,
Our spirit is renewed.
So enter in the joy prepared for you.

Happy Birthday boys! Mom loves you very much and can't wait to see you again.

Thinking...

I thought of you with love today
but that is nothing new

I thought about you yesterday
and days before that too

I think of you in silence
I often speak your name

All I have are memories
and your picture in a frame

Your memory is my keepsake
with which I’ll never part

God has you in His keeping
I have you in my heart

Missing our boys!!!

Christmas 2009

We made it though our second Christmas without Braden and Brody. (as if there was a choice not to?) This year, Cary thought it would be nice to get a wreath and decorate it for the boys. We found an awesome wreath that had red lights which flashed to Christmas tunes! Christmas music has never made me cry until now. As soon as it played, the tears began. I decided to stick with the colors I used last year because I just love the combination (baby blue, red and silver) Christmas Eve was windy, cold and rainy. We had to stick with out tradition and go spend some time at Braden and Brody's marker. We stayed a few minutes but it was too windy and rainy to put the wreath out. Thank goodness Honey and Tina had already decorated some or I would have felt guilty leaving without adding a little Christmas flair to the marker.

I thought I was being tough and held it together for the most part. It still hurts so much knowing the boys should be here and we should be spending the holidays with all of our family including them! Christmas morning was especially hard. I enjoy spoiling all my nieces and nephews and getting them way more than they need. It makes me happy seeing them so excited about all of the presents. It it also like a stab in the heart. I see each of them and all I can think of is how much fun my boys would be having now. Surely as more time slips by it will get easier on us. I just wish I could click my heals and it all be over. I want to see them again and I know I will.

Christmas afternoon we joined my family for lunch.

Deck the harrs with boughs of horry, fa ra ra ra ra, ra ra ra ra

You guessed it, Chinese food!!! Cary and I were pooped so we didn't join anyone for the traditional Christmas Day movie.

All in all, it was a nice Christmas. I miss my boys, but I still have a wonderful family who loves us!!!

WOW - Where have I been???

I just realized I have not posted anything for a while... what's been going on?

OCTOBER
October 3rd was mine & Cary's 11th Anniversary. We were both sick so we didn't do anything!!! It was nice sitting at home, cuddling on the couch with Cary and the wiener dogs (Suzi & Roxi). Halloween - not much fun this year. We had a few kids ring the bell, but nothing compared to the usual crowd. I was a bit disappointed. I really enjoy seeing the kids dressed up!

NOVEMBER
Holidays are coming so my stress level JUMPS up. I always thought the holidays were supposed to be days of relaxation? Nope! Don't get me wrong, I love my family dearly, I just like to relax and be lazy!!! November also seems to kick start my emotions and remind me that Braden and Brody aren't here. I do not forget about them ever, but the holidays seem to intensify my emotions. I know that God has them in his arms! I am selfish and do want them in mine again. We will reunite again one day!!!

DECEMBER
Shopping, shopping and more shopping. Am I done yet??? This stressed me too! I tend to go overboard and buy more than I should for my nephews and nieces. I'd hate to see what I'll do with my own children one day!!! Let the holiday parties begin!

All in all, nothing has really been going on in my life worth writing about. These are just a few things that pop in my mind. I'm praying 2010 will be a great year and I'll have great things to post for the readers!

HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO YOU ALL!!!

The number you've ALL be waiting for...

People amaze me! Loni and I had a very successful first Baby Steps Memorial Race! We were able to donate a GRAND TOTAL of $9,000 to The Amelia Center.

That's me on the left, Andy McNiel (from The Amelia Center) and Loni Hodge. What a great team!

The center was VERY happy to receive such a large donation. We could not have done it of course without all of the participants, volunteers, sponsors and donors! You guys know who you are!!! We want to thank everyone for their hard work and kind heart!

Loni and I decided to donate the funds into a Remembrance Funds for Braden, Brody and Maddox Elise. This is something new for The Amelia Center.

Here's what their website says about the new opportunity - "A Remembrance Fund, bearing the name of a family member or friend, can be established to provide annual support to The Amelia Center by making a memorial gift of $500.00 or more. This can be made as an individual memorial donation or a combined memorial donation by you, family members and friends. Once a Remembrance Fund is established, friends and family can make contributions throughout the year to support the fund. The Amelia Center will send annual updates to those supporting the fund regarding opportunities to contribute. At the end of each year, a portion of the Remembrance Fund will be used to support Amelia Center program costs, the remainder of the fund will be sustained to build upon for the next year. Remembrance Funds will be acknowledged in the Tears to Hope newsletter and by letter to family members and friends at your request. In addition, each fund will be recognized on the “We Remember Them…” wall in The Amelia Center lobby."

We chose to set up the Remembrance Funds so that The Amelia Center can use all or part of the race donation before the end of the year. This type of donation allows them to carry over part of the funds into the next year if they wish. I'm very honored that Braden and Brody will have a plaque on the "We Remember Them" wall. I decided it would be best to have Braden & Brody one plaque rather than two. They came into this world together! They drifted from this world together! They belong together!

Baby Steps 5K Memorial - August 29, 2009

What an awesome day we had on August 29th. It was filled with many emotions. Although the loss of Braden and Brody is not easy, I see purpose each and everyday. If God took my children to benefit others, I'll take this pain. It is his plan, not mine and I have to follow it.

What an awesome day we had on August 29, 2009! My day was filled with emotions. I was very pleased with all of the sponsors, participants and volunteers. The support we received was amazing. I was honored that the loss of my boys and Maddox Elise made all of this happen! There is a purpose... to help all of the grieving families out there, to show them they are not alone on this journey, that they can heal and that we can remember them in our own special ways!

Our hope is to continue the race year after year. With the continued support we can make this happen!!!

Loni and I had the pleasure of being on "Matters of Faith" with Brenda Ladun. She is such an encouraging woman and was inspired by our stories. The picture shown is from the interview day at The Amelia Center. You can also view the segment by going to: http://www.abc3340.com/news/stories/0809/652098.html#