The number you've ALL be waiting for...

People amaze me! Loni and I had a very successful first Baby Steps Memorial Race! We were able to donate a GRAND TOTAL of $9,000 to The Amelia Center.

That's me on the left, Andy McNiel (from The Amelia Center) and Loni Hodge. What a great team!

The center was VERY happy to receive such a large donation. We could not have done it of course without all of the participants, volunteers, sponsors and donors! You guys know who you are!!! We want to thank everyone for their hard work and kind heart!

Loni and I decided to donate the funds into a Remembrance Funds for Braden, Brody and Maddox Elise. This is something new for The Amelia Center.

Here's what their website says about the new opportunity - "A Remembrance Fund, bearing the name of a family member or friend, can be established to provide annual support to The Amelia Center by making a memorial gift of $500.00 or more. This can be made as an individual memorial donation or a combined memorial donation by you, family members and friends. Once a Remembrance Fund is established, friends and family can make contributions throughout the year to support the fund. The Amelia Center will send annual updates to those supporting the fund regarding opportunities to contribute. At the end of each year, a portion of the Remembrance Fund will be used to support Amelia Center program costs, the remainder of the fund will be sustained to build upon for the next year. Remembrance Funds will be acknowledged in the Tears to Hope newsletter and by letter to family members and friends at your request. In addition, each fund will be recognized on the “We Remember Them…” wall in The Amelia Center lobby."

We chose to set up the Remembrance Funds so that The Amelia Center can use all or part of the race donation before the end of the year. This type of donation allows them to carry over part of the funds into the next year if they wish. I'm very honored that Braden and Brody will have a plaque on the "We Remember Them" wall. I decided it would be best to have Braden & Brody one plaque rather than two. They came into this world together! They drifted from this world together! They belong together!

Baby Steps 5K Memorial - August 29, 2009

What an awesome day we had on August 29th. It was filled with many emotions. Although the loss of Braden and Brody is not easy, I see purpose each and everyday. If God took my children to benefit others, I'll take this pain. It is his plan, not mine and I have to follow it.

What an awesome day we had on August 29, 2009! My day was filled with emotions. I was very pleased with all of the sponsors, participants and volunteers. The support we received was amazing. I was honored that the loss of my boys and Maddox Elise made all of this happen! There is a purpose... to help all of the grieving families out there, to show them they are not alone on this journey, that they can heal and that we can remember them in our own special ways!

Our hope is to continue the race year after year. With the continued support we can make this happen!!!

Loni and I had the pleasure of being on "Matters of Faith" with Brenda Ladun. She is such an encouraging woman and was inspired by our stories. The picture shown is from the interview day at The Amelia Center. You can also view the segment by going to: http://www.abc3340.com/news/stories/0809/652098.html#

The words of Marvin Gaye "What's going on?"

I have to admit, as much as I'd love to document my journey, I am HORRIBLE at taking the time to write "What's going on" so here's where I am in this life for today...

The FIRST Baby Steps 5K Memorial Race was so awesome (I'll post more on it later!) I want to keep you curious on how much we raised for The Amelia Center...

I am doing pretty well in my grief. I continue to have good days and bad days. More good than bad so I've made it a long way since April 12, 2008!!! Certain things in life are harder to deal with while others, I just don't think about as much. I've learned to control my emotions by helping and keeping busy. As a grieving mother, I encourage others in my "shoes" to reach out to others. Talking to others and even volunteering for various things is what I've found helpful. It may work for youl, it may not. What we have to do is share our attempts for a happy life and encourage each other!

Get over it???

I've had some very rough days lately. I should not have to explain myself, but people need to realize that grief does not have a time frame, nor does it ever really end. It is important not to have expectations that parents will be "finished" or "get over" this type of loss.

I say this because recently I've been told that I need to be the "old Abby" and I cannot understand how people who have NOT been in my situation feel as if they can tell me how I should be. The loss of Braden and Brody was not like a scratch that heals in a few days. It is like a deep wound that will forever scar my life.

As much as it may make others uncomfortable that I lost the boys - I do not think they realize that I am uncomfortable as well. I don't think you can EVER be comfortable with "visiting" your children in the cemetery.

July 4th - Another Holiday Down!

We survived yet another holiday with family fun. It's upsetting to both Cary and I to see all the kids having such a great time swimming and playing together. Here we are the "sad" couple without kids! We just sit and dream! We want our babies there to share the fun. We wanted them to play with their grandparents, aunts, uncles, nieces and nephews! My peace is knowing they are playing in Heaven and it's a BEAUTIFUL place. They don't have to get a sun burn, bitten by mosquitoes or stop playing if they don't want to! Have fun in heaven boys!

Father's Day#2

Today is Father's Day #2 without Braden & Brody. Cary is such a trooper! He had a father and sons breakfast with his dad this morning and a family lunch with my dad and grandfather. I could tell he was a little down, but he never mentioned it.

I hope that one day we'll have days like this to celebrate with children. I want hand made cards and special gifts from children. They make you smile! We will always remember our heavenly children!!! It would just be nice to experience a life of parenting!

Happy Father's Day to all of the wonder fathers out there. Whether you have children on this earth or in Heaven!!!

Love to Cary, Dad & Dale (father in law)

SAND!!!

Seeing names written in sand is always cute to me. Loni and Justin just spent a few days at the beach and Loni send me these pictures. What a special way to memember our babies!!! They will forever be in our hearts! Thanks for thinking of all of us Loni!!!!